dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
