I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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