The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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