he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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