The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
