I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
what the fuck happened to the tacos
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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