Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
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