Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
