who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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