i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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