my mouth tastes like poor choices
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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