i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
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