...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize