ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize