Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
