and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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