she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
