i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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