He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
