Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Someone shattered a urinal.
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I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
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I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
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