those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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