Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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