then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Randomize