Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
