I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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