Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Randomize
