Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
