I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
