you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
