Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
