Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
