her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
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Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
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no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
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