# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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