She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
