By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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