Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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