You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
