.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize