Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
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