I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
