How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
do herpes really smell.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
