I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
