im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
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