im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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