We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
