I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
