make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
