Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
