Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
