someone threw a dead crab at me
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
