we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
