my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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