MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
