there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
third nipple confirmed
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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