I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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