after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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