Have you finally orgasmed yet?
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I smell like Dick and happiness
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