don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
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I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
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I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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