if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize