Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
