I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
