Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I booty called her while she was in labor.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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