Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
