It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
