Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
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