If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Randomize
