Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
