I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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