I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
