Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
