I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I am available for nakedness
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
