I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize
