my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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