You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Damn victory sex feels great
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
