I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
