Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
